After
my mother, the next strong woman that I know closely in my life is my
grandmother and I call her as ‘Tok’. I still remember 9 years ago, during the
burial of my late grandfather, she did not sit in the corner, grieving her
husband’s death. But she greeted all our family members with smile, she even
asked me if I want to eat something because I was rushing coming back from
school, and she made sure the burial went smoothly on that day. Sometimes, I
saw her wiping her tears and she smile again greeting all guests and our family
members.
She earns her own money by harvesting
rice in her own paddy fields. I’m still remember when I was young, I used to
ride her lorry and follow her selling ‘ais kacang’ and ‘laksa’ at nearby ‘pasar
pagi’. She’s not only can drive a van but a lorry as well. She is so generous because
she will give pocket money to all her grandchildren that visit her from as low
as RM50. Last year, when I was going back to visit her during ‘Hari Raya Aidiladha’,
she gave me ‘duit raya’. Then, I told her, “Tok, kakak dah kerja la sekarang.
Takyah la bagi duit raya.” But she said, “Kakak tak kahwin lagi, takpa la Tok
bagi duit sikit.” Even when I was studying in high school which is Jenan,
everytime she visited me during weekend, she will give me pocket money.
She is someone that always prioritize education
in her family. When I was in high school, she once told me, “Abah belajar
sampai dapat masuk universiti, kakak pon belajar la elok-elok kat Jenan ni
sampai dapat masuk universiti macam abah.” Then, before I’m coming back to
Japan to work, I visited her to bid farewell. She said something that I never
forgot. “Kakak, nanti belajar la sampai Master macam mama. Tengok mama belajar
tinggi-tinggi sampai Master.” I felt so envy with my mom because she has such a
wonderful mother-in-law like my grandmother. Since then, I always pray that one
day my mother-in-law will compliment me in front of my daughter just like my grandmother
complimented my mom.
Picture 2: Me, Abah, Mama and Tok when I was 17 years old
When
my grandmother told me that she wanted me to further to Master degree like my
mom, I took it very seriously. I applied to almost all scholarships that available
for foreign students in Japan such as Rotary Scholarship, MEXT and Tokyu
Scholarship Foundation as well as Yayasan Pelajaran MARA (YPM). I sacrificed my
summer holiday to prepare research proposal, asking letter of recommendation
from my lecturer, writing essays for scholarship applications and practicing
for scholarship interview. Out of many scholarships that I applied, I managed
to go to final interview for Tokyu Scholarship Foundation and Yayasan Pelajaran
MARA (MARA).
However, I failed to get place in Tokyu
Scholarship Foundation. A few weeks later, I got informed that I was listed as
one of recipient for Master degree scholarship from Yayasan Pelajaran MARA
(YPM). It was a happy moment for me until I found out that because of the
limited budget, YPM just offered school and tuition fees only. That means, if I
accept the offer, I need to do part time job while working to support my living
expenses as my parents could not afford to support expensive living cost in
Japan. I don’t want to give up because I remember my promise to my grandmother.
I discussed this problem with my parents. They said if I want to work while
studying, they only let me do that in Malaysia, not in foreign countries. They
gave me two choices, if I want to stay longer in Japan, I need to find job. If
I want to further study to Master degree, I need to go back to Malaysia.
I cried a lot. I prayed a lot. For a
week, I isolated myself because I didn’t want people see me sobbing. Until one
day, I made my own decision. I will find job here in Japan and maybe will
continue further my study to Master degree after a few years. I was quite embarrassing
actually because before this, I always post in my social media account that I
will continue to Master degree. Well, we only can plan, but Allah is the one
that will decide our paths, right? After finish struggling to find scholarships
to Master degree, I struggle once again to find job in Japan. Alhamdulillah, after
I failed interview in almost 12 companies, I finally got a job in Japan.
2 years later, I saw my friends who are
in same batch with me when we came together to Japan, successfully graduated with
Master degree in Japan. I felt happy for them because I know how much they struggle
to study, doing research and doing part time job at the same time. But I was
thinking, perhaps if I just accept the scholarship from YPM and ignored my
parents’ wish, maybe I’m already graduated with Master degree right now just
like my friends. I wonder if I was the one that give up earlier? I always look
for opportunity to find scholarship to further study to Master degree until
now, but I have to commit with my work first.
This is part of my unfulfilled wish as
well as my grandmother’s wish. I always have this dream that I want all my
family members especially the women in my family to have the highest education
level as possible. Since my mother has started it, I know I should just
continue the legacy.
